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 the war that never ends

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Number of posts : 25
Age : 29
Location : Bermerton, WA
Job/hobbies : Navy
Warning :
the war that never ends Left_bar_bleue0 / 1000 / 100the war that never ends Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-11-22

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PostSubject: the war that never ends   the war that never ends Icon_minitimeFri Nov 28, 2008 6:08 pm

September 11, 2056
It’s been a long six years but I’ve finally done it. I was able to create a program that can give people the ability to have a full range of motion when they have an artificial limb. The government paid me plenty of money to make the limbs into battle ready weapons. I did it but I don’t know if they are ready to be place into war. This war on terrorism in the Middle East has been going on for fifty-five years and since the twin towers fell; it has spread from Iraq and Afghanistan to Germany, Italy, Russia and China. It is just a matter of time before it comes to the United States. My twin sister, Abigail, is stationed on an aircraft carrier that was sent to the Gulf. I will be joining her as soon as get the go ahead from the government when they receive their weaponry limbs so they can put those who lost limbs back into war if they chose to do so.

Masaki put his journal away and started to back his sea bag since he was leaving first thing in the morning after government officials pick up his inventions this evening. His house phone started to ring, “I’ll let the machine pick it up,” he said to his dog.
“Hey, Aki, pick up it’s me Gwen, I know your home.”
He picked up the receiver and said, “Hey, abs how’s life in the middle of nowhere?”
“You know it’s hot as fuck out here. So when are you bringin’ your stupid ass out here?”
“I’ll be flying out tomorrow morning before the sun comes up. There is someone at the door so hold on a sec,” Aki said as he answered the door to a couple of men wearing suites.
“I believe you have something for us,” said the shorter of the two.
“Yeah, here,” he said as he handed them the duffle bag with the stuff for the government officials.
“Thank you, we’ll be in touch,” said the taller one as he took the duffle bag.
Aki finished talking to his sister then went to bed since he had to get up at three in the morning. He pulled off his T-shirt since it was still hot outside and walked out the back door to bring in his sister’s new puppy. He got the puppy for her birthday gift when they turn twenty-one in five days but he knows she won’t be able to play with the puppy until they got back from deployment on December 25.

Kay went outside for some fresh air and to get away from her brothers when she spotted her neighbor, Aki, taking a puppy into the house. “Hey, why you keep that poor defenseless little puppy outdoors in this horrible heat?”
Aki looked back at Kay and said, “He was outside for a half hour so I could finish a project without him tearing into it and to keep him from visitors that came to pick up that so called project.”
“I know, I saw their car drive away five minutes ago, I was just…”
“Nosey,” Aki finished.
Kay looked down at the ground and noticed the tattoos on the back of Aki’s calves, “Nice tattoos,” she said changing the subject.
“Thanks, and don’t go changing the subject like that.”
“Sorry, but I’ve got to go now,” she put in before she took off back into her house.

Aki watched her run back into the house before he turned back and went into his. There is something about this girl but he can’t quite put his finger on. She has this innocence about her like his sister but without the foul mouth. He put the pup in its cage and went to bed with his dog trailing behind him. Aki woke up at three in the morning five hours after he went to bed. He slid on his flight suite and getting ready for his flight to his ship and the ship his sister was stationed on in the gulf. He saw that Kay was up early also since she was climbing into her car as he was walking out to the jeep his buddy was driving him to the Helio.
“Hey neighbor, where you off to this early?”
“Work, you?”
“Same here are you in the Air Force or Navy?” she asked when she saw the flight suite.
“No, Marines.”
“Oh, okay then. I’ll see you later then,” she said as she got into her car and drove away.
Aki climbed into the Jeep and rode quietly trying to get his mind off of the girl that lives next door to him.
“Hey what’s got your mind all twisted up in knots?” his buddy asked him as he pulled up to the Base’s main gate.
“Nothing important,” Aki answered as he showed his ID to the gate guard.
“Have a nice day, sir,” the guard at the gate said as he waved them through after he saluted.
“That didn’t look like nothing this morning back at your place,” he said.
“Jake, man you might be my best buddy but that girl is just my neighbor.”
“Aki, get it through that thick skull of yours she has the hotts for you.”
“Even if she does nothing can happen from it. You know I can’t move on.”
“We both know you need to move on.”
“I thought she was the one and she broke my heart by sleeping with my ex best friend. I gotta go now,” he said as he grabbed sea bag from the back seat of the jeep and started walking towards the helio that was going to fly him to the ship. An enlisted member that worked on shore duty ran up to Aki and gave him a cranial and a float coat. Aki ran across the pavement to get to the helio while he placed the stuff on.

Gwen was standing watch on the LSO platform when her brother’s helio came in up the landing area. At 2145 she was properly relieved by someone on the night crew she went back to the shop to drop off her stuff then goes to visit her brother. She went to the window and asked, “Is Lt. Larson in the ready room yet?”
“Let’s go check, follow me.”
“So you think you could take me down and steal my girl.”
“I know I can take you down as far as your girl goes you can keep her,” Aki said as he handed back the picture to his wingman.
“Hey Guppy someone is here to see you.”
Aki turned toward where his wingman was looking to see his sister standing near the door, “Hey IC1, come on in no one’s gonna bite.”
Gwen smiled and walked in further. She turned towards the second class that showed her in and said, “Thank you.”
“No problem,” The second class as he walked back out of the ready room with a great big grin on his face.
“Welcome back to the Hell hole big brother,” she said when she turned back to her twin brother and his partner in crime. When everyone started to laugh at her comment then she said, “Wow someone take a picture cause that smile won’t last forever.”
“You got anything else to say besides criticize me little sister?”
“Yes, I do, happy birthday.”
“Hey Guppy, it’s your birthday?”
“Yeah and it’s hers also,” Aki answered. Then he said to his twin sister, “I’m not gonna let you get away that easy.”
An ensign spoke up listening to their conversation hoping to get the first class and the Lt in trouble for fraternization, “So you two are twins or something?”
“Yeah, we are twins, you have a problem with that,” said Gwen.
“No,” answered the ensign knowing that he would get the shit beat out of him if he done anything to get Aki and Gwen in trouble.
“Lieutenant,” said the CO for the Rattlers from the doorway, “may I speak to you for a minute?”
“Yes sir,” answered Aki as he walked over to the CO.
After walking out to the Passage way the CO said, “As you understand we are at war, you and your wingman are going on a top secret mission.”
“Anything else sir?”
“Yes, the XO and I are both retiring in December and we are having your wingman and you take over in our place. We already talked to your partner in crime and he is on board as long as you are. Are you ready to go on this mission and take over as XO?”
“Yes sir, but why did you pick me for taking over as XO?”
“You showed excellent leadership and the enlisted all look up to you even your sister gave rave reviews about how much you’re a great leader.”
“No way my sister gave me a good review even though I picked on her all of our lives?”
“Of course and the change of command is tomorrow, so rest up.”
Aki watched the CO walk away before he went back into the ready room to find that the whole squadron, his sister and then some gathered. He looked around at everyone then asked, “What is everyone doing in here we have a job to do.”
“Roger that, sir,” answered the lowest ranking person that was in the room and he started to leave the room.
Aki’s partner grabbed the member by the collar and said, “Not until we all have cake and ice cream for Lt and IC1 Larson’s birthday and the Lt’s promotion to the XO of the squadron.”
Gwen finished her cake then pulled her brother aside, “Sorry that I gotta eat and run but I have to get on watch back in my shop and make sure they didn’t tear the place apart. Congratulations on your promotion”
“Thanks and have fun on watch I’ll stop by later when I can get away from this mess.”
Gwen went back to her shop to find that the place wasn’t torn apart and eight of them were playing Halo with the rest getting ready for watch. She got into the grove of the watch when her brother showed up.
“Hello, sir.”
“Hey, is IC1 in the other room?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Thanks,” Aki walked into the room and sat down on one of the open chairs. “Man you go away for three weeks and everyone wants you to do everything.”
“Tell me about it, when I go for two hours everyone is looking for me.”
When one of the second class got up to go eat he asked Aki, “Would you like to play in my place for a little while?”
“Sure, which screen are you?”
“The bottom left.”

Kay drove home from a long day at the club and she pulled up in front of her house. She took her six-month old son out of the car and walked over to Aki’s house to let the dogs out since her little brother went to camp after school. Nick climbed out of the car and followed Kay to the neighbor’s house to help let the dogs out. “Nick, please don’t be rough with the dogs.”
“Oaky dokie smoky poky.”
Charlie giggled as Kay tickled his tummy. “Alright you two after we let the dogs out to go take a leak we’ll go back home and you get to do your homework, Nick. Then maybe after dinner we will walk over and get ice cream and play in the park.”
“Awesome, I just have a little bit of math to do today since I had a test in social studies and English.”
When they let the dogs back in, they left to go back home. Nick finished his homework, which only took him five minutes since he did most of it in class. He walked into the kitchen and asked, “Do you need any help making dinner?”
“Yes, they potatoes need washed and peeled.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Thank you, for your help, Nick.”
“I’m glad to help when there is no one else to help you.”
Kay smiled at her little brother and then stared at the wedding band she still wore on her finger. It’s been a year since her husband died but it still hurts to think that her son will never get to know his father.
Nick knew that Kay was upset so he put the knife and the potato he was peeling down. As he walked over and hugged her, he said, “I’m sorry.”
“For what, sweetie?”
“For making you remember Charlie’s dad.”
“It’s okay, bud,” she said as she crouched down and wrapped him in a big hug.
“I’ll finish getting ready for dinner,” he said as he ran off, “Are we still going for that walk and get ice cream?”
“Yes, now go get ready and I’ll finish up making dinner.” Kay was setting out the plate when Nick returned from up stairs. He was in a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. They ate dinner in silence and Kay fed Charlie baby food for his dinner. She washed him up out of the high chair as she said to him, “You ready to go out for a walk?” As she changed his diaper and into an outfit that if he fell asleep she could place him right into his crib for the night, Nick got all of their jackets from the coat rack by the front door.

Two days later Aki was getting ready for the top secret mission that he and the new CO, his wingman, was going on. “Hey, Hazmat, ready to get this mission done then start heading home?”
“Yeah, Guppy, we need to get this shit done and go home,” answered Captain Kelly as he finished putting on his gear and started walking to the flight deck.
Aki grabbed his helmet and followed his wingman out to the fight deck and to their jets. After doing the normal checks and being shot off of catapult 3. His wingman was shot off of catapult 2. Flying over Germany and shooting at their targets, five F-18E’s came out of nowhere and started attacking Aki and Jack. After shooting down four of the five F-18E, Aki’s F-18C was hit in the wing and lost control. “Hazmat, I’m hit. I can’t control my plane anymore, I’m gonna…”was all that he could get out before he hit the eject button and his plane crashed into a group of buildings.
Hazmat called back to the ship, “Mayday Mayday, Rattler380 is down.”
Aki hit the ground and started to run for cover hoping that no one saw him go down. He had his gun out when he was knocked out from behind. When he became conscious again he was in some sort holding cell. He saw the guard watching him from the outside door.
“He’s awake,” the guard said to someone out off Aki’s line of sight.
A man with a scare across his cheek came in with a berretta 9mm in a hip holster. “So he is. What was your mission?”
“All I can tell you is my name rank and serial number.”
“I already got that information, Lt.” said the man holding up Aki’s ID card, “Now what is your mission?”

When the commanding officer of the ship heard about the plane going down, he went to the only squadron ready room that was active with this mission.
“Attention on deck,” said an officer when he saw the ship’s co walk in.
“Carry on,” said Captain Jacobson. When they couldn’t get anyone in to get the pilot out the CO looked at the CO of the squadron, “Who was on the mission with the pilot that went down?”
“I was sir.”
“I need his information so I can contact his family.”
“Sir, his mother is dead and his sister is a first class petty officer here on this ship. If you have no problem with it I would like to tell her myself, since he was my best friend.”
“I’m sorry but I will tell her but you can be there for moral support.”
“Alright, she works in VLA, I’ll be in later cause I gotta go down to security to fill out some paperwork.”
The ship’s Co knocked on the work center’s door then walked in.
“Attention on deck,” said a third class that noticed the CO walked in.
“Carry on, do any of you know where I can find the LPO?”
“Is it anything I can help you with sir since I am the ALPO?”
“No, I have to tell her something.”
“She is in a maintence meeting.”
“There she is, sir,” said a fireman when Gwen walked into the room.
“May I speak to you outside?”
“This information that I am about to tell you has to deal with your brother.”
When they walked out into the passageway the CO turned around and told her about her brother’s plane going down. She let silent tears roll down her cheeks before she turned away from him.
Mayson walked down the p-way to find Gwen crying and the ship’s CO standing there not knowing what to do with understanding in his eyes. “IC1, is everything okay?”
Gwen looked at him in the eyes then shook her head no. She became dizzy and collapsed, before she fell and hit her head, Mayson caught her.
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Number of posts : 25
Age : 29
Location : Bermerton, WA
Job/hobbies : Navy
Warning :
the war that never ends Left_bar_bleue0 / 1000 / 100the war that never ends Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2008-11-22

the war that never ends Empty
PostSubject: Re: the war that never ends   the war that never ends Icon_minitimeThu Dec 25, 2008 8:27 pm

This is the start of one of my books. Please tell me what you think.
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Matty Lee

Number of posts : 7
Warning :
the war that never ends Left_bar_bleue0 / 1000 / 100the war that never ends Right_bar_bleue

Registration date : 2009-03-17

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PostSubject: Re: the war that never ends   the war that never ends Icon_minitimeSun Mar 22, 2009 8:04 pm

I enjoyed it, I would like more background, but that can be saved for later.

My first advice would be to have more description and less dialouge, and to use commas more often.

Otherwise a fine peace of work.
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PostSubject: Re: the war that never ends   the war that never ends Icon_minitime

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